Back to Work // Missing My Tiny Companion

Wednesday July 10th, 2019 // Evening Nap

Current situation: Down to a white tee after kiddo spit-up on me. He’s fighting being put down for a nap. My wife got him to go to sleep in his rocker instead of his Snuggle Me or his pack n’ play and without a swaddle. So I’m attempting to do the same…but not as successfully.

Today was my first day back in the office. I did not want to go. But bills have to get paid and in order to keep my job I do have to go back and work eventually.

I get 20 days of paternity leave to use throughout the year. I’ve used 11 days so far leaving me with 9 to go. I know I’m fortunate to get any paid time off. However 20 days is not nearly enough.

I’m JUST beginning to get into a routine with him, or as much as a routine as you can get with a newborn. Mama and I are just hitting our stride in divvying up responsibilities and taking turns sneaking in some extra zzz’s throughout the day. And most importantly, I just don’t want to miss a moment with him.

Yes, I understand parents have to work. Yes, I understand this was my choice to have this kid. Yes, I understand my company is not required to give me any paid time off to be with him and mama. Yes, I know that I’m entitled to 12 weeks of unpaid leave through FMLA.

But we’re just getting started in this relationship together. And now I’m back to commuting 2+ hours a day. Back to conference calls. Back to a jam-packed Outlook inbox. Back to being drained from “the office life” when I get home in the evening.

I want to be able to give him my best energy. Everyday.

I never thought much about this aspect of life before having him. Looking at my own dad I know he got beat up everyday from the grind of a manual labor job and being a small business owner. He was still there for me as much as he could have been. I know I’ll do the same. I’m just curious how much different would it have been if he hadn’t had to have to grind so hard during the traditional workday?

Sorry for the rant. I just missed seeing my tiny companion today.

– Josh // Office Worker