Friday July 26th, 2019 // 11:30 PM

Kiddo is asleep. Mama is asleep. I should be too. He’ll be up anytime in the next 60-90 minutes for his middle of the night feeding. Then he’ll be down again until around 4:00 AM — give or take a half an hour.

We’re 5 weeks in. Man, time has flown. Feels like yesterday we were rushing to the hospital. Feels like last week we found out we were pregnant.

Little guy has already outgrown some of his newborn clothes. We didn’t even get him into all his newborn onesies! Everyone says it goes by fast. That you blink and they’re grown up. I believed them, truly. But living it is something else.

He’s changing and growing everyday. He pushes himself way up with his arms when he’s resting on my chest. He wasn’t pushing nearly that far a couple days ago.

We had a mini nap jail session this evening. It had been a week or so since the last one. I didn’t want it to end but letting him sleep any longer woulda thrown him way off schedule.

Everyone says it goes by fast. That you blink and they’re grown up. But living it is something else.

I’m tired from not getting a full night’s sleep in over a month. Tired from washing bottles. Tired from commuting to work then spending the day on conference calls and plowing through projects. Tired from phone calls from extended family asking about the baby. I hate how tired I am when I get back home and don’t have a fully charged battery for my kid. Most days a power nap can cure it. But I want to be present and focused on him 100% of the time. I know it’s impossible but still — I want to try.

He’s the best of me. I’ll never do anything more important than raise him right along side my wife.

I just hope I can slow down time enough to be there, be present with him everyday.

I should close my eyes. He’s going to be up soon for his middle of the night feeding. And I want to be 100% for him.

– Josh // should be asleep